最近切实存在的一个问题就是，我怀疑自己有点burn out。 之前有两个星期，除了白天每天上班之外，晚上还要持续开会，从6点到9点。而且会上跟其他组的交涉本身也让我很紧张。 过了那两周之后，其实我的任务少了很多，但是每天还是会很焦虑。

今年一月份也发生过类似的情况，当时我直接连休了11天，哪都没去，就在家里休养生息，最终焦虑果然大大缓解了。 但是现在没有休长假的机会。 这周末本来是三天小长假，结果我早晨五点醒了就睡不着了，脑子里乱糟糟的，于是就跟chatgpt聊了一下。

  • 焦虑不是任务多少决定的，而是你是否觉得“有控制权”。让你焦虑的是“会不会漏事”、“别人会不会不满意”、“我会不会被追问”……这些才是背后的恐惧。 （焦虑不是敌人，是未被满足的掌控欲）

    • 担心没有cover到所有任务 → 大脑不断扫描 → 引发持续紧张： 这一点最容易解决，就是todo list。标出3个最重要的任务，其他只是“bonus”; 定义“成功”的最低标准：“只要完成 X，就算今天成功”。对模糊任务写下“我可以做到的最小动作”，不是“搞定那个合作问题”，而是“发邮件问对方有没有时间聊”。这些都算是“术”的程度

    • 担心被否定 → 情绪不是由你掌控，而是外部评价决定。而且在我看来，被否定不仅是任务失败，更像是“人格否定”。 可以通过记录我这天做了哪三件我自己觉得有价值的事情，这会慢慢把你对自我价值的判断权从外部拉回到自己手里。甚至如果非要得到别人的肯定的话，就直接问manager，而不是靠猜。

    • 害怕无法回答 → 让你不断预演最坏场景 → 哪怕没发生，也已经消耗你很多精力。比如在跟台湾那边开会，提出需求之后他们经常会问为什么要这么做。 如果实在答不上来，可以说“这是个好问题，我需要更多数据/时间去查一下，明天我可以update你。” 你不是“没准备”，而是“知道需要确认”，这是一种能力，不是短板。

后面这两点都属于“道”的层面了。从“我表现不好 → 我不够好”这个认知跳出来，回到“我值得被肯定 → 但还在学习”这个状态，是你从“术”迈向“道”的关键一步。

控制感来自三个维度：

  • 认知控制： 其实上面这些都是我害怕的一些例子，未来在生活里还要时刻注意，识别出自己到底是在怕什么。比如每天早晨看到邮箱里有几十封邮件，像是清晨的第一波冲击，总是让我的压力值一下子就上来了： 这是一种“入场焦虑”，说明你的大脑已经把工作入口（邮箱）和“要应付的未知负担”联系起来了。 简单的解决方法就是善用filter，把不重要的消息过滤掉。

  • 行动控制（我能做点什么）

    • 焦虑三问卡片（可以贴在显示器边）:我现在担心的最坏结果是什么？这个结果真有那么容易发生吗？有证据吗？我现在能做一件小事去应对它吗？哪怕只是写一封 follow-up？

  • 情绪控制（我可以接纳当下的不确定）

    • 每天总结：亡羊补牢式总结：我完成了什么！我没有完成什么，但是我亡羊补牢了什么

心理学上有个现象叫“不确定性厌恶（uncertainty aversion）”。简单说就是：人们宁愿面对确定的坏结果，也不愿意面对可能是好也可能是坏的不确定结果。 但是其实没必要那么执着于确定。

Lately I’ve been feeling… off. Like I might be a little burnt out.

A few weeks ago, I had this intense stretch where, on top of working all day, I was also stuck in meetings from 6 to 9 every evening. A lot of those meetings involved tense back-and-forth with other teams, which made me super anxious. Even though that period is over and my workload has actually lightened up, the anxiety hasn’t really gone away.

This same thing happened back in January. I ended up taking 11 days off in a row, didn’t go anywhere, just stayed home and recharged. And it really helped — the anxiety faded. But right now, there’s no chance of taking that kind of long break.

This weekend was supposed to be a nice little three-day reset… Instead, I woke up at 5 a.m. and couldn’t fall back asleep — my mind was a complete mess. So I opened up ChatGPT and started talking it out.

What actually causes anxiety? One thing that really stuck with me: Anxiety isn’t about how much you have to do. It’s about how much control you feel you have.

It’s not just the tasks — it’s the fear of missing something, of disappointing someone, of being caught off guard. Anxiety, in a way, is just a signal that your sense of control is out of balance.

Here are a few patterns I recognized in myself:

  1. Fear of missing something important → constant scanning → constant tension This is the easiest one to manage: use a to-do list. Pick 3 tasks that actually matter today — the rest is bonus. And for vague items, break them down to the smallest action you can take. Not “solve the issue with team X,” but “send an email asking if they’re free to talk.” This is the tactical stuff — what you might call technique.

  2. Fear of being judged → letting external validation control your emotions For me, being “rejected” doesn’t just feel like task failure — it feels like personal failure. A good way to shift that mindset: at the end of each week, write down 3 things I did that I personally find valuable. It helps pull the power of validation back into my own hands. And if I do need outside feedback — just ask my manager directly instead of trying to guess what they’re thinking.

  3. Fear of not having answers → endless worst-case rehearsals This happens a lot in meetings, especially with teams in Taiwan. They’ll often ask follow-up questions like “Why are we doing this?” — and I spiral. But really, if I don’t have the answer, I can just say: “That’s a great question. I’ll need more data, but I can follow up tomorrow.” That’s not a failure — that’s being aware of what still needs clarity. That’s a skill, not a flaw.

These last two are more than just tactics — they’re about mindset. The real shift happens when I can go from “I didn’t do well → I’m not good enough” to “I’m worthy → I’m still learning.” That’s the step from technique to philosophy.

So what does control actually look like? ChatGPT offered a framework I liked — control has three dimensions:

  1. Cognitive control – I understand what’s happening This is about identifying what I’m actually afraid of. For example, the panic I feel every morning when I open my inbox and see 10+ unread emails — That’s not just about email. It’s entry anxiety — my brain has linked my inbox to unknown chaos waiting to hit me. A practical fix: set filters, clean out the clutter.

  2. Action control – I can take a step This is where the “Anxiety Card” comes in — maybe I’ll stick one next to my monitor: What’s the worst outcome I’m afraid of? How likely is that really? Is there any evidence? Is there one small thing I can do right now to respond — even just sending a follow-up email?

  3. Emotional control – I can sit with uncertainty End each day with a quick “patchwork” reflection: What did I get done? What didn’t I finish — but still made progress on, even in a small way?

There’s actually a psychological term for this: uncertainty aversion. People would rather face a guaranteed bad outcome than an uncertain one — even if the uncertain one might be better. That hits a little too close to home.

So maybe what I’m really learning is: control doesn’t mean certainty. It means knowing how to stay grounded — even when the outcome isn’t clear yet.

That’s something I’ll keep practicing.